Treatment Center of Panama City

My life has been a roller coaster. I'm sure that it hasn't been any worse than others but I have learned to cope by getting high. I first tried meth in 2001 at the age of 14. I used recreationally until 2010. At that time I began daily use, lost my children, my home, vehicles, and destroyed the relationship with the mother of my children. In 2013 I went to jail for a year only to relapse 3 months after being home and used daily until being arrested in April of 2015 and in prison until March of 2017. I remained sober from the date of my arrest through may of 2018. During that time I really found myself, I got engaged to a long time friend, got full custody of my 5 children, and started a successful construction business. Everything went well until I opened that door again by drinking and using cocaine swearing I would never use meth again. Then I broke that promise to myself and started using daily. My fiance didn't know what was wrong, my kids didn't know, and eventually I got arrested again for spanking my daughter. I was jailed for 7 months all charges were dropped and upon my release I was almost back to my true self. My family and fiance were the strongest support ever throughout. We married on may 11th 2019 and the business was booming the kids were back with us and we got a nice place to live. The overall stress led me to cope by using again. Now I am back at square one. My children are suffering my wife is heartbroken and they don't trust me. My wife can't even look me in the eye but she holds on hoping for change. I can't function. I used to do an estimate in 15 minutes now it takes 2 hours. My projects and work have fell behind and snowballed. I don't associate with my family. We are all tired of this cycle. My ultimate goal is to find myself again. I want to be healthy, I want my mind back, my sober stable mind. I can't stand myself, my mannerisms, my actions, my integrity is shot, I need help and I need something that is going to stick with me, I want to do this so bad. I hate the drugs, I hate my choices. I hate the pain I cause and destruction that follows. I just want to be me, for me first and for my wife and children second. I want this more than I ever have. More is at stake now than there ever has been. My soul I feel is at stake, my wife and children are suffering greatly, wife's ready to leave, she's here for the kids at this point and they are her stepchildren. It's total torment in my mind all the time. I want to win this war once and for all.